No. 1: Be Proactive: Be a ‘Trim-Tab’

To be proactive means more than taking the initiative. It means that we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.

I am a big fan of Buckminster Fuller, who said he always wanted to be a “trim-tab,” the small rudder that turns the big rudder that turns the entire ship. I believe there are numerous potential trim-tabbers in all walks of life who can lead and spread their influence no matter what position they hold.

Taking initiative is a form of selfempowerment. More important, we should empower people to solve problems without them having to go ask permission from their boss to do so.

Years ago I served as an admin to the president of a university. This man in many ways was very controlling and was from the school that he knew what was best when it came to making big decisions. Although a talented and brilliant man, he lacked the interpersonal skills with the staff and treated everyone like a gofer. This had a disenchanting and disempowering effect on all who worked with him, and there were many private discussions around the office about the way he treated others.

Then there was Ben, who simply took another approach. Even though he, too, was treated like a gofer, he decided he would be the best gofer in the office. He soon was able to predict what the president’s needs would be, and when he was invited to an important meeting, he asked if he could present his data findings, then went on to offer astute analysis and recommendations. The president loved his analysis and invited him to give the same presentation to the board.

Ben wasn’t resigned to the fact that something couldn’t be done about an unreasonable boss who treated his people like children. Ben was a trim-tab leader, someone who is constant like a lighthouse and not a weather vane. A lighthouse is a constant and reliable source of light that doesn’t twist and turn with the wind.

No. 2: Sharpen the Saw

First of all, decide what is truly important and distinguish it from that which is urgent but not important. Half the time people spend is on things that are urgent but not important, like a ringing phone, something that is pressing, something that is proximate or popular, but it may not be important at all. You must learn to say no to the unimportant so you can say yes to the important. Most of the meetings people deem important don’t need to be held. You need to have screening devices on all the new technologies so that when something really important comes through you can learn to say no to the other things. It may upset a few people because they want you to do the popular thing, but you’ll accomplish so much more.

I am working right now on six very significant book projects and I wouldn’t want to be deterred from making those kinds of contributions at all by getting enmeshed in things that are urgent but not really important.

I think that’s one of the first things. Then learn to sharpen the saw early in the day and then get at it and work as a complementary team, so you don’t have to go to all those meetings, you don’t have to do all that e-mail. You can learn to say no. To say no because of a burning yes about what is important is one of the most significant things you can do.

Make it a habit to cultivate the four parts of your nature—body, mind, heart and spirit. If you neglect any one of them, you will find it will have a negative effect upon the other three and your life will become imbalanced. You could become work-centered rather than principle-centered, and you would find that the level of your joy and happiness would be significantly reduced, and you’d go for secondary greatness, rich and famous, instead of primary greatness, character and contribution.

And for the spiritual part, get connected to that which seems to be of intrinsic worth and value, and also that which enables you to make a difference. You want to add value, you want to contribute, and you want to develop a character of absolute integrity. So that primary greatness is character and integrity.

No. 3: Seek to Understand Before Seeking to be Understood

It’s human nature for us to want to be understood. When both parties are trying to be understood, neither party is really listening. I call this interaction, “the dialogue of the deaf.” But to understand is an important key to interpersonal relationships and can magically transform the course of discussions. By making the investment of time and effort required to understand the other party, we change the dynamics of the interchange.

Years ago I was honored to train the Indian chiefs who run Indian Nations. They gave me a beautiful gift of a “talking stick” and they even engraved my name on the back; they called me the Bald Eagle. I carry it around with me and whenever there is a difference in opinion, I always give it to the other person and say, “I can’t say one thing until you feel understood, not just in terms of what you’re saying but what you’re feeling about what you’re saying. I really want to understand the meaning of what you want to say.” This helps to listen empathetically. People who are insecure would find this exercise painful because it makes them vulnerable because they don’t know what’s going to happen. But the moment you begin to listen empathetically, it unleashes a level of creative energy that can produce third, alternative solutions to problems that no one had ever thought about before.

I belong to a leadership summit group of Christians, Jews and Islamic people to develop a better relationship between the United States and the world community, which I feel has deteriorated over the last several years. I introduced Indian talking sticks for the three-day summit. The results were astounding—in fact it transformed that group. Madeleine Albright, secretary of state under President Clinton, told me she has never seen anything like this, adding this would totally revolutionize international diplomacy.

The Indian talking stick is synergistic communication. The value of the stick is that you don’t get it back and cannot make your point until the other person feels understood. What air is to the body, to be understood is to the heart. I’m not worried about air now because we have it. As soon as the heart feels understood—not agreed with, just understood—you become open and teachable and creative.

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